Blaaaagghh... Lately life has just been rather consistently... disappointing. And really, it's not anything huge or even all that important. Just a lot of petty things piling up on top of my head every day. (like the Okami contest results, being declined buttermilk at Jack in the Box and the subsiquent amazement at human stupidity, getting a spider bite on my ass, etc etc)

But when I really sit and break it down, this huge feeling of disappointment is probably due to the silliest thing... My obssession with Star Ocean.

So Star Ocean 2 was the very first RPG I ever played, followed very closely by Final Fantasy VII(which I'm also in love with, but that's another story). I know there are many wonderful RPGs that went before them both.. but my only previous console experience was the short while I had an SNES during grade school before my dad sold it after I'd only played a little bit of Super Mario.

Anyway.. so yeah.. I got to play Star Ocean 2 while I was visiting with my favorite cousin who was into video games and had a PS1. I was so amazed.. up until that point I'd never realized that there could be something so inspiring or so beautiful (because at that time I remember being absolutely stunned by the graphics and music, even if they're not fantastic by today's standards). I think I can probably say with some certainty that my entire creative/artistic persona is influenced by that game in some way.

Ok yeah I think that statement might be a little strange, or it might sound silly.. but seriously I'd never really been into art or anything creative really before that. Playing that game opened up so much of my imagination when I was younger.

Up until this very day, I have not played a single game that's even come close to the kind of personal fulfillment I got from SO2 or FFVII. SO3 was kind of disappointing, but that was probably my own fault. My expectation were rather high- I still haven't finished it. Most of the Final Fantasy games I liked, but none of them stuck with me after beating them. I'm kinda depressed when I think that I might never have that kind of emotional attatchment to a game again. No matter how lame someone else might think it is to feel sentimental about something 'silly' like a video game. Back then, the whole video game thing was completely mind blowing due to my youth and limited experience.. but now that it's become so familiar to me, I don't have the same excitement or amazement when I see new games. Sure the graphics are gorgeous but it seems like games are so superficial lately.. the stories have no heart at all.

Er... getting carried away into another subject. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I really like SO2. xD;;

And when I heard that SquareEnix was remaking SO1 and SO2 for the PSP I was out of my brain excited. Now both games have been released in Japan and there hasn't been any word about a US release at all. I'm just waiting for that blow to my heart when I hear it won't be released here. And on top of that, there is a Star Ocean PSP that I'll never be able to own because it's $400 (I'd have to import it). I made the mistake of asking some people what they thought of me buying the PSP, and apparently I'm absolutely nuts because it'd be such an obvious waste of money.. Really though? I don't know how I can express my (irrational?) love of that game so that I don't sound dim in the head for honestly being ok with dropping that much money for a PSP. It kind of makes me feel foolish. But for what? How is that any different from people shelling out rediculous sums of money for -any- hobby or whatever their obsession is. Like BJDs (hella $$$) or cars (HELLA$$$)... :/ Why should my obsession with Star Ocean be silly? Or my desire to spend $400 on a sexy limited edition PSP be a waste of money? (And further depression presses in when I think of how long it'd take me to save up for one with how busy I am and the realization that it will probably be unavailable by the time I have enough.)

Anyway... I know this entire journal is pretty out of the blue, and probably very strange xD;; But I'm kind of curious.. Do any of you have similar obsessions or sentimental attatchments? It has always sorta bugged me when people try to belittle someone else's activities or the way they choose to spend their money because it's not mainstream or conventional or practical or whatever. *head desks*

Ok I'm done venting.. @3@;; I feel a little bit better.